Sunday, June 15, 2014

Reality



FACT:

I am a 39 year old male in a relationship of 10 years. I wake up practically every morning from dreams so real in both mental and physical sexuality that "morning wood" is an understatement. I am literally fully aroused almost every morning.

I am extremely turned on by oral sex. (Of course you are, you are a man, right?)

You don't understand. That is like saying "So you like fast cars? Of course you do. You are a man."

There is a difference between a strong sexual desire common to one gender, and a complete obsession. The very idea of oral, both giving and receiving, brings me instantly to full arousal, and is the subject of 90 percent of my dreams at night.

My partner has no interest in oral. None. I have stoked the fire a hundred different ways, and the response is always "I don't want to do that." I have showered, shaved, eaten fruit until I see pineapple chunks in my rear view mirror, and her response is the same. "I'm not into that."

This is the point where most women (single or otherwise) would say "Wah, poor baby. That's life. You should appreciate her for what she does give, and grow up. Forget oral sex. She doesn't want it. Learn to live with it."

I have. For ten years, I have forced the mental fantasy out of my head dozens of times each day. At night, however, the dreams take hold and I wake up with desires SO deep that I feel I might go crazy. A quick trip to the bathroom might release the tension, but the desire remains...much like a person craving food might relieve the pain by swallowing gallons of oatmeal, but really...how well does that address the problem?

I found a slight outlet in writing. I began a blog where I wrote out my dreams...a dream journal if you will.

See link: http://yesthesearemyrealfantasies.blogspot.com/

After a few dozen entries, both from my dreams and from occasional rants and raves, I gave it up also. It only fueled my desire. I posted my blog entries online. Hoping that if nothing else, someone might enjoy reading them. I had a few avid readers, but they all faded away. After all, what can they do?

So why bother posting this? I think, this is also an attempt to let out frustration. Instead of tossing the hook back in the water with a fresh worm, this is me throwing the pole in the lake and going home.

I had oral one time.

Once.

Eleven years ago.

I think I have forgotten how it feels.

(I did write about what I remember from that afternoon.) - http://mylittleredcaboose.blogspot.com/

I want this more than I can even begin to explain, and have tried for over a year (and a dozen different ways) to even experience it one more time.

God, what I would give to the woman who would indulge me this.

I give up.

I f*cking give up.